This Friday, June 14th, Hatchet III is hitting theatres.
And you probably already know if you’re going to see it.
Being the third installment of a film series it’s not the kind of thing you just jump on board for three films in. You probably already know if it’s the kind of thing you’re into and if it’s the kind of thing you’re into, then you’ll be into this one too as it’s pretty much more of the same.
In the swamps of New Orleans Kane Hodder, reprising his role as Victor Crowley introduces the insides of a lot of people to the open air in the same way that Jason Vorhees was in the habit of doing in the Friday the 13th films using a variety of interesting methods with torrents of blood and gore.
There.
Now you know.
You can stop reading now if you’d like.
There’s a couple character reveals that could be ruined for you if you’re a fan of the franchise or contemporary horror films in general but I’m not going to ruin them for you because Adam Green made everyone in the audience of the Boston area premiere I attended promise not to spoil it for everyone.
He also made everyone promise not to talk about the film before its release, but I crossed my fingers on that one since I figured he was mostly worried about people ruining the surprise characters which I have no intention of doing.
Rosebud’s a sled. Bruce Wayne is Batman. Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.
There.
Now you know.
Aside from that, there’s not a lot to be said about the film.
Either you like this kind of film or you don’t and anything I might have to say won’t change your mind either way.
That being said, there’s a few things that can be said about the film.
Zach Galligan, Danielle Harris, Caroline Williams, and Derek Mears all turn in serviceable but unexceptional performances but you’re really not paying to see exceptional acting are you?
You’re paying to see people get exploded.
And there’s a ton of people exploding or being violently separated from their constituent parts.
One exceptional performance was by Rileah Vanderbilt and it was exceptional for how bad it was. Wooden and unbelievable, even for a gorefest she fucked up most of the scenes she was in. I understand that she’s married to the director, but, seriously, stop putting her in front of the camera or at least stop giving her dialogue to deliver. She was fine as Young Vincent Crowley where she mewled and cowered under character make-up, but dialogue falls out of her mouth like bricks onto a hardwood floor.
Another problem with the film is that Caroline Williams and Dannielle Harris spend half of the film in a police cruiser with a deputy driving them on a quest for a MacGuffin.
If you don’t know what a MacGuffin is, click through and learn something.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacGuffin
Mostly it seems the quest for the item is an excuse to shoehorn in a cameo for a fan favorite actor, which is nice, but the dialogue in the scenes in the cruiser is almost completely superfluous and takes away from the main point of the film, that being people being made into people pieces. The actors may have as well been yelling “WE’RE ALL TAKING TURNS YELLING IN A POLICE CRUISER!” for all that those scenes moved the plot forward and it leaves our two female leads isolated from the main action for half the film.
And you probably already know if you’re going to see it.
Being the third installment of a film series it’s not the kind of thing you just jump on board for three films in. You probably already know if it’s the kind of thing you’re into and if it’s the kind of thing you’re into, then you’ll be into this one too as it’s pretty much more of the same.
In the swamps of New Orleans Kane Hodder, reprising his role as Victor Crowley introduces the insides of a lot of people to the open air in the same way that Jason Vorhees was in the habit of doing in the Friday the 13th films using a variety of interesting methods with torrents of blood and gore.
There.
Now you know.
You can stop reading now if you’d like.
There’s a couple character reveals that could be ruined for you if you’re a fan of the franchise or contemporary horror films in general but I’m not going to ruin them for you because Adam Green made everyone in the audience of the Boston area premiere I attended promise not to spoil it for everyone.
He also made everyone promise not to talk about the film before its release, but I crossed my fingers on that one since I figured he was mostly worried about people ruining the surprise characters which I have no intention of doing.
Rosebud’s a sled. Bruce Wayne is Batman. Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.
There.
Now you know.
Aside from that, there’s not a lot to be said about the film.
Either you like this kind of film or you don’t and anything I might have to say won’t change your mind either way.
That being said, there’s a few things that can be said about the film.
Zach Galligan, Danielle Harris, Caroline Williams, and Derek Mears all turn in serviceable but unexceptional performances but you’re really not paying to see exceptional acting are you?
You’re paying to see people get exploded.
And there’s a ton of people exploding or being violently separated from their constituent parts.
One exceptional performance was by Rileah Vanderbilt and it was exceptional for how bad it was. Wooden and unbelievable, even for a gorefest she fucked up most of the scenes she was in. I understand that she’s married to the director, but, seriously, stop putting her in front of the camera or at least stop giving her dialogue to deliver. She was fine as Young Vincent Crowley where she mewled and cowered under character make-up, but dialogue falls out of her mouth like bricks onto a hardwood floor.
Another problem with the film is that Caroline Williams and Dannielle Harris spend half of the film in a police cruiser with a deputy driving them on a quest for a MacGuffin.
If you don’t know what a MacGuffin is, click through and learn something.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacGuffin
Mostly it seems the quest for the item is an excuse to shoehorn in a cameo for a fan favorite actor, which is nice, but the dialogue in the scenes in the cruiser is almost completely superfluous and takes away from the main point of the film, that being people being made into people pieces. The actors may have as well been yelling “WE’RE ALL TAKING TURNS YELLING IN A POLICE CRUISER!” for all that those scenes moved the plot forward and it leaves our two female leads isolated from the main action for half the film.
Aside from that,
there’s nothing really to be said about the film good or bad.
I didn’t like the first two Hatchet films.
I think I saw the first theatrically and the theatrical cut was eviscerated by the MPAA.
I skipped the second, not really liking the first and not having a Danielle Harris fetish like most male fans of contemporary horror films.
Seeing the director’s cut of all three films in a theater with an audience that loved the first two and was excited to see the third brought me around.
I won’t say that I like these films, but now I don’t not like them.
I don’t want to own copies, legitimate or pirated, and if I was going to pick a random horror movie to watch, none of the Hatchet films would be it.
But I no longer don’t like the films.
I get it now. I don’t like it. I don’t hate it. But I get it.
Seeing these films in a theater with an audience is the way that they should be experienced.
So if you’re going to see Hatchet III, and you’ve probably already made up your mind up as to whether or not you’re going to see it, then see it in a theater with an audience.
All of that being said, I like Adam Green.
You can’t hear the stories about his troubles with the MPAA and his appreciation for the support of the fans of him and his films without liking the guy as a person even if you don’t like his films.
At least he’s trying.
He’s kind of like Eli Roth without the smarmy self-satisfaction and self-promotion. At least not as much. He was raised on most of the same horror films that I was raised on and he’s trying to make his version of the horror films that he knew and loved when he was growing up.
I would rather watch Cabin Fever [2002]or Hatchet [2006] than the remakes/reboots of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre [2003], The Toolbox Murders [2004], The Hills Have Eyes [2006], Friday the 13th [2009], and A Nightmare on Elm Street [2010], because at least Cabin Fever and Hatchet were made by fans of horror movies for fans of horror movies instead of a major studio trying to trick fans of horror films into spending their allowance on another uninspired retread of a pre-existing intellectual property.
They may not be great films, and they’re certainly not perfect, but at least they were fun.
And that’s what Hatchet III is… bloody good fun.
I didn’t like the first two Hatchet films.
I think I saw the first theatrically and the theatrical cut was eviscerated by the MPAA.
I skipped the second, not really liking the first and not having a Danielle Harris fetish like most male fans of contemporary horror films.
Seeing the director’s cut of all three films in a theater with an audience that loved the first two and was excited to see the third brought me around.
I won’t say that I like these films, but now I don’t not like them.
I don’t want to own copies, legitimate or pirated, and if I was going to pick a random horror movie to watch, none of the Hatchet films would be it.
But I no longer don’t like the films.
I get it now. I don’t like it. I don’t hate it. But I get it.
Seeing these films in a theater with an audience is the way that they should be experienced.
So if you’re going to see Hatchet III, and you’ve probably already made up your mind up as to whether or not you’re going to see it, then see it in a theater with an audience.
All of that being said, I like Adam Green.
You can’t hear the stories about his troubles with the MPAA and his appreciation for the support of the fans of him and his films without liking the guy as a person even if you don’t like his films.
At least he’s trying.
He’s kind of like Eli Roth without the smarmy self-satisfaction and self-promotion. At least not as much. He was raised on most of the same horror films that I was raised on and he’s trying to make his version of the horror films that he knew and loved when he was growing up.
I would rather watch Cabin Fever [2002]or Hatchet [2006] than the remakes/reboots of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre [2003], The Toolbox Murders [2004], The Hills Have Eyes [2006], Friday the 13th [2009], and A Nightmare on Elm Street [2010], because at least Cabin Fever and Hatchet were made by fans of horror movies for fans of horror movies instead of a major studio trying to trick fans of horror films into spending their allowance on another uninspired retread of a pre-existing intellectual property.
They may not be great films, and they’re certainly not perfect, but at least they were fun.
And that’s what Hatchet III is… bloody good fun.
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